Image: Style Me Pretty
A wedding is an emotional event not just for you, but for many people in your life who are close to you. It is a celebration of a new family, and in some ways a ritual of letting go of the past to embrace the future. Throughout the wedding planning process, the people who love you and are closest to you will most likely want to feel included, loved, heard, valuable, and appreciated. During difficult times it might not always come across that way, but if you remember that their intentions are probably rooted in love and wanting to feel included, it will make your wedding planning experience much smoother.
Although it might feel like an imposition to include people in your planning and decision making process, it could actually make you happier in the end. If your in laws are stressed and unhappy, that probably isn’t great for your mental state, happiness, or your relationship. Finding a way to include people and keep them happy (without giving up everything you want) will be more worthwhile in the end than doing everything yourself. Plus, weddings are large events that require a lot of work, and taking people up on offers of help will definitely make your life easier and allow you to enjoy the process.
Make a list of people you want to include
When thinking about including people in your wedding, the first thing you might like to do is to make a list of all the people you’d like to include (or who would like to feel included). Your list will most likely be made up of some of the following:
- Friends / bridesmaids / groomsmen
- Other extended family whom you are close with (uncles, aunts, cousins)
- Close family friends
Of course your wedding day is about you as a couple and you are not obligated to bend over backwards trying to make everyone happy, but it’s nice to have a list of some important people in your lives that you might want to include in some way in your wedding.
Make a list of things you would like help with
Decide what is most important to you and where you are willing to compromise. Also make a list of the things that are non-negotiable and that you are not willing to compromise on. Maybe you and your partner want to have complete control over the food, but you’d like some input with choosing the flowers. There are probably a few things that you might not want to include a lot of people in, but there are most likely a lot of things that if you think about it, you could find a way to include someone if it was important to them.
When making this list try to keep in mind the things that you know really matter to the people that are important to you. Your MIL might feel very passionately about the bonbonnieres, so that might be an area that you could include her. The perfect sweet spot here is to find something that you’re happy to share and have input on, and is also important to the other person.
Make a plan of action
Find a way to include people in a controlled way. What I mean by this is to open up engagement and participation in the areas that you previously identified that you would be happy to have involvement in. E.g. Maybe your bridesmaids and MIL would love to go dress shopping with you, but the idea of trying on dresses for a bunch of people with differing opinions is stressing you out. Instead, you might go for the initial wedding dress shopping with just your mum, then take other people with you to try on the final 2 dresses that you’re deciding between. This way everyone still gets to feel included, but you’re able to include them in a way that isn’t stressful for you.
Have you got any tips for including people in the wedding planning process or on the day? I’d love to hear them in the comments below.